1
00:00:02,693 --> 00:00:06,531
<i>"Last Man Standing" is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:06,599 --> 00:00:07,866
What's up, honey?

3
00:00:07,934 --> 00:00:10,468
Ugh. Can you believe
there's another Kardashian?

4
00:00:10,536 --> 00:00:12,871
Look at this.

5
00:00:12,939 --> 00:00:15,953
It's like cars... they come out
with a new model every year.

6
00:00:17,443 --> 00:00:21,179
I bet she's got that new Kardashian smell.

7
00:00:21,247 --> 00:00:26,651
Honey, I hate how, as women, we're either
objects of desire or domestic servants.

8
00:00:26,719 --> 00:00:31,056
I don't think that's true.
Anyway, when's dinner, toots?

9
00:00:31,123 --> 00:00:33,258
Lucky me. I'm both.

10
00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:36,595
Hey. Must be dinner. Look who showed up.

11
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:37,662
Ha ha.

12
00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:39,264
Ha ha. No, we just came to get Boyd.

13
00:00:39,332 --> 00:00:40,932
Hold on.

14
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,701
What are you having? (Chuckles)

15
00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:44,869
Hey, thanks for picking
up Boyd from school, mom.

16
00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:46,204
Yeah. He's upstairs napping.

17
00:00:46,272 --> 00:00:47,772
Honey, I think he's
coming down with something.

18
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,407
What do you mean he's
coming down with something?

19
00:00:49,475 --> 00:00:50,742
What's he doing in the house?

20
00:00:50,810 --> 00:00:53,245
Oh, what's the matter, Mike?
You afraid of a little boy?

21
00:00:53,312 --> 00:00:56,181
This from the guy that took one look
at him and left for three years?

22
00:00:57,316 --> 00:01:00,418
I don't think... aah, aah, aah.

23
00:01:00,486 --> 00:01:03,355
(Weakly) Mommy, I don't feel so good.

24
00:01:03,422 --> 00:01:06,925
Ohh, you have spots and a fever.

25
00:01:06,993 --> 00:01:08,753
Uh-oh. Come here. Come
here. Stop scratching.

26
00:01:08,794 --> 00:01:10,434
No, no, this is looking like chicken pox.

27
00:01:10,463 --> 00:01:13,398
(Chuckling) Great.

28
00:01:13,466 --> 00:01:14,466
I've already had 'em.

29
00:01:16,469 --> 00:01:19,471
So have I, and the girls have
all had their vaccinations.

30
00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:21,978
Uh, well, I've never had them,
and I've never been vaccinated.

31
00:01:22,008 --> 00:01:23,942
Uh, o-okay, I'm gonna
get Boyd back to bed.

32
00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:25,543
You need to get out of here.

33
00:01:25,611 --> 00:01:26,878
She's right. Chicken pox
are much worse for adults.

34
00:01:26,946 --> 00:01:28,046
So go. Go, go, go.

35
00:01:28,114 --> 00:01:29,914
Don't you want to lick your kid goodbye?

36
00:01:29,982 --> 00:01:32,384
Hey, babe, I'm just
gonna wait outside, okay?

37
00:01:32,451 --> 00:01:34,719
Okay. It's gonna be
terrible in here without you.

38
00:01:34,787 --> 00:01:37,722
(Door closes) No, it's not. It's gonna...

39
00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:40,292
What's the deal with Boyd?
He's all, like, broken out.

40
00:01:40,359 --> 00:01:41,426
- Chicken pox.
- Thank God.

41
00:01:41,494 --> 00:01:43,194
For a second, I thought he had acne.

42
00:01:43,262 --> 00:01:45,797
I cannot afford to catch that.

43
00:01:45,865 --> 00:01:47,732
I don't think acne is contagious, honey.

44
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,134
Well, I don't know.

45
00:01:49,201 --> 00:01:50,869
Nobody went near the kids
who had it in high school.

46
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:52,937
They were all treated like leopards.

47
00:01:53,005 --> 00:01:54,773
You mean lepers?

48
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:55,807
The "d" is silent?

49
00:01:55,875 --> 00:01:58,009
Oh, I never knew that. (Giggles)

50
00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:00,945
Hey, uh, so, since Ryan is
susceptible, it might be better

51
00:02:01,013 --> 00:02:02,580
if Boyd and I stayed here
for the next few nights.

52
00:02:02,648 --> 00:02:04,649
No, Kris, just bring him home, all right?

53
00:02:04,717 --> 00:02:05,850
I'll stay away from him.

54
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:06,985
No, you'll catch it, okay?

55
00:02:07,053 --> 00:02:09,354
Our apartment will be like a petri dish.

56
00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:12,123
Petri dish has more square
footage than your apartment.

57
00:02:12,191 --> 00:02:13,845
Honey, I keep wondering
how Boyd caught this.

58
00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:14,289
Right.

59
00:02:14,327 --> 00:02:16,528
I mean, he's had all
his vaccinations, right?

60
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,197
That vaccine is not 100% effective.

61
00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,198
Well, that's true.

62
00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:21,466
Well, maybe it's not chicken pox.

63
00:02:21,534 --> 00:02:23,802
Maybe it's some weird armadillo pox he got

64
00:02:23,869 --> 00:02:26,004
from one of those
undocumenteds at his school.

65
00:02:26,072 --> 00:02:29,808
More likely he got it because
some selfish parent figured,

66
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,277
"all the other kids have got
their shots, so why bother?"

67
00:02:32,345 --> 00:02:35,213
Or a thoughtful, well-informed parent

68
00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:36,715
who knows that vaccines could actually

69
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:39,284
make her child sicker than the disease.

70
00:02:41,253 --> 00:02:42,320
That's right.

71
00:02:42,388 --> 00:02:44,289
I made the choice not to vaccinate Boyd.

72
00:02:44,357 --> 00:02:46,024
- You what?!
- You did what?!

73
00:02:47,893 --> 00:02:48,960
No, seriously, speak up.

74
00:02:49,028 --> 00:02:51,730
I can't hear anything through the glass.

75
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:55,633
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

76
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,004
Wait a minute, Kris.

77
00:03:00,072 --> 00:03:01,740
You told me that you got that
boy vaccinated a long time ago.

78
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:02,874
Well, I lied, okay?

79
00:03:02,942 --> 00:03:04,309
I took him to get ice cream instead.

80
00:03:04,377 --> 00:03:06,378
So you're thumbing your
nose at diabetes, too?

81
00:03:06,445 --> 00:03:08,713
Good. Great parenting.

82
00:03:08,781 --> 00:03:10,014
Then it's not just varicella.

83
00:03:10,082 --> 00:03:14,285
He didn't get his DTAP,
Hep B, HIB, MMR, PCV.

84
00:03:14,353 --> 00:03:15,653
Honey, this is bad.

85
00:03:15,721 --> 00:03:18,990
It could lead to a serious
outbreak of abbreviations.

86
00:03:19,058 --> 00:03:20,892
Look, you got to vaccinate this kid.

87
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,727
No. Okay? I did my research.

88
00:03:22,795 --> 00:03:24,662
There can be dangerous side effects.

89
00:03:24,730 --> 00:03:25,997
What about the side effect
of a sick kid upstairs?

90
00:03:26,065 --> 00:03:27,465
You don't vaccinate him,

91
00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:29,067
he could end up with mumps,
tetanus, or German measles,

92
00:03:29,135 --> 00:03:30,696
and you can't mess with German measles.

93
00:03:30,736 --> 00:03:31,056
I...

94
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,337
Literally, it starts with an itch.

95
00:03:32,371 --> 00:03:33,605
Next day, you lose Poland.

96
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:40,078
Kris, the side effects from these
vaccines are extremely rare.

97
00:03:40,146 --> 00:03:43,748
Sure, according to the A.M.A., but
they're in the pockets of big pharma.

98
00:03:43,816 --> 00:03:46,551
Where do you get your science, on the
bulletin board at the yoga studio?

99
00:03:46,619 --> 00:03:46,994
Oh. Dad.

100
00:03:47,025 --> 00:03:50,885
No, but these diseases, they're making
a big comeback... Exactly. Exactly.

101
00:03:50,923 --> 00:03:53,691
...thanks to this groovy, new
trend of not getting shots.

102
00:03:53,759 --> 00:03:57,095
Listen, there is more whooping cough
in Beverly hills than in South Sudan.

103
00:03:57,163 --> 00:03:59,097
Hey. Back off, okay?

104
00:03:59,165 --> 00:04:00,865
She's Boyd's mom, and I support her.

105
00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:02,333
Thank you.

106
00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:03,802
Yeah, assuming that you're
still talking about vaccinations,

107
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:07,772
'cause I'm pretty much just
lipreading at this point.

108
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:08,940
This is just liberal hypocrisy.

109
00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:10,768
When it's about climate
change, science good.

110
00:04:10,776 --> 00:04:12,143
- About medicine, science bad.
- All right.

111
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,578
Okay, you know what? I'm done, okay?

112
00:04:13,646 --> 00:04:14,813
I'm just gonna take Boyd
home and care for him there.

113
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,914
All right, no, no. Look, look, look.

114
00:04:15,981 --> 00:04:20,919
You and Boyd stay here, and we'll call a
truce to this discussion for now, okay?

115
00:04:20,986 --> 00:04:22,921
(Sighs)

116
00:04:22,988 --> 00:04:26,090
Thank you. I'm gonna see how he's doing.

117
00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:27,559
Geez.

118
00:04:27,626 --> 00:04:30,829
I can't understand how educated
people like our daughter

119
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,464
can turn their backs on science.

120
00:04:32,531 --> 00:04:33,965
Even a big liberal like FDR

121
00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:35,900
would have stood up for the
polio vaccine... (Groans)

122
00:04:35,968 --> 00:04:37,529
...you know, if he could have stood up.

123
00:04:43,142 --> 00:04:45,043
(Metal clanging)

124
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:48,980
(Chitters)

125
00:04:51,317 --> 00:04:52,684
Nice shootin', partner.

126
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:55,453
I agree with the old
prospector on that one.

127
00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:58,923
He says it a lot, but I can tell
he really meant it that time.

128
00:04:58,991 --> 00:05:00,425
I've been playing every
day for a whole week,

129
00:05:00,493 --> 00:05:03,461
and I still can't beat that high score.

130
00:05:03,529 --> 00:05:05,597
Who the hell is "best
shot in the we" anyway?

131
00:05:05,664 --> 00:05:07,599
That's me. I ran out of spaces.

132
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:11,302
It's supposed to read "best shot
in the Western United States."

133
00:05:11,370 --> 00:05:13,371
- Who knew you were so good?
- Yeah.

134
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:16,841
Hey. How's the best shot in
the Western United States?

135
00:05:16,909 --> 00:05:18,476
Great. (Giggles)

136
00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:20,144
Well, we should go, okay? Mwah!

137
00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:21,646
It's the perfect time to hit the mall...

138
00:05:21,714 --> 00:05:26,017
After all the elderly power walkers and
before the gangs of eighth-grade girls.

139
00:05:26,085 --> 00:05:28,319
Hey. Not so fast.

140
00:05:28,387 --> 00:05:30,121
I'm calling you out, cowboy.

141
00:05:30,189 --> 00:05:32,857
This store ain't big
enough for the both of us.

142
00:05:32,925 --> 00:05:36,194
Actually, fire code
allows for 1,200 people.

143
00:05:36,262 --> 00:05:38,329
Come on. Gun up, goldilocks.

144
00:05:38,397 --> 00:05:39,998
But you're a little girl.

145
00:05:40,065 --> 00:05:41,666
Beating you would just be mean.

146
00:05:41,734 --> 00:05:43,067
A little girl?

147
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:46,004
Yeah, it's a good thing
this rifle is chained down,

148
00:05:46,071 --> 00:05:49,707
or else you'd be limping out of
here carrying a concealed weapon.

149
00:05:49,775 --> 00:05:51,843
I don't understand.

150
00:05:53,913 --> 00:05:56,648
She's gonna put it up your butt, Kyle.

151
00:05:58,284 --> 00:06:00,418
Hurry up and beat her so
we can go, okay? All right.

152
00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:03,755
I guess, as top gun, I'm obliged
to take on all challengers.

153
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:04,756
Hmm.

154
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,458
You're about to become the
"second-best shot in the we."

155
00:06:07,526 --> 00:06:11,362
(Chuckles) That's too many letters.
It's never gonna fit.

156
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:16,200
Howdy, partners. Ready,
aim, let 'em have it.

157
00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:17,735
<i>(Bluegrass music plays) (Metal clanging)</i>

158
00:06:17,803 --> 00:06:19,337
<i>(Beeping) (Chitters)</i>

159
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,007
<i>(Growls)</i>

160
00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,477
(Smoke hissing)

161
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,448
<i>(Quacking)</i>

162
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,727
<i>Nice shootin', partner.</i>

163
00:06:42,795 --> 00:06:43,895
(Ringing)

164
00:06:43,963 --> 00:06:44,929
(Sighs)

165
00:06:44,997 --> 00:06:46,097
(Beeping)

166
00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:48,600
Oh! I did it! I beat you!

167
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:51,469
Wait. What? You won? She won?

168
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,504
Yeah, I guess I didn't have it today.

169
00:06:53,572 --> 00:06:54,672
Hey, nice job, Eve.

170
00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:58,443
Yeah, duh! This is going on Instagram.

171
00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:00,445
Later, losers.

172
00:07:00,512 --> 00:07:01,946
Wait a minute.

173
00:07:02,014 --> 00:07:04,582
But nobody's ever beaten you before.

174
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:06,651
Nope. Just your little sister.

175
00:07:06,719 --> 00:07:09,821
All right, just some little girl...

176
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,156
Who you didn't want to be mean to...

177
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:16,861
'Cause you're a nice guy, and
you've got great hair...

178
00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:21,299
...which probably isn't a part of this.

179
00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:24,469
Wait a second. You just let her win!

180
00:07:24,536 --> 00:07:28,139
Just... just don't tell her, okay?

181
00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:29,307
Winning's so important to Eve.

182
00:07:29,375 --> 00:07:31,943
I knew nobody could beat my boyfriend.

183
00:07:32,011 --> 00:07:33,111
All right. Let's go.

184
00:07:33,178 --> 00:07:35,747
I want to be the "best shopper in the ma."

185
00:07:41,987 --> 00:07:43,755
Oh, hey, stranger.

186
00:07:43,822 --> 00:07:45,757
Hey. What is going on here?

187
00:07:45,824 --> 00:07:48,092
I'm at my folks for five
days, and you redecorate?

188
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,627
Mm-hmm. What?

189
00:07:49,695 --> 00:07:50,962
- I'm doing the whole apartment.
- Mm-hmm.

190
00:07:51,030 --> 00:07:54,365
Oh, I tried to paint a superhero mural
in Boyd's room to surprise him.

191
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,868
But my Batman came out really racist.

192
00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,972
Honey, I'm sure it's not so... oh, my God!

193
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,441
Yeah. I'm gonna paint
over that. Don't worry.

194
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:05,943
Yeah, please do before our
building manager sees that.

195
00:08:06,011 --> 00:08:09,113
Or Boyd's friend Desean.

196
00:08:09,181 --> 00:08:10,982
Hey, so, when can Boyd come home?

197
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,383
He's better.

198
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:15,527
I am exhausted, but at least he'll
never get chicken pox again,

199
00:08:15,587 --> 00:08:18,389
and we did it without exposing
him to the risk of a vaccine.

200
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:22,393
Yeah, we were lucky...

201
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,562
Which is great when we're in Vegas.

202
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:29,067
But, um, I don't think we want to
roll the dice with meningitis.

203
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,902
Okay.

204
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,237
What, so you're suddenly pro-vaccine?

205
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,740
But last week, you agreed
with me in front of my parents.

206
00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,241
Yeah, I know. I know.

207
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:39,243
But when you guys were gone,
I had time to do some reading,

208
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:42,346
and... oh, first of all, I finally
finished "the goldfinch."

209
00:08:42,414 --> 00:08:43,748
So good.

210
00:08:43,816 --> 00:08:47,685
But (Sighs) I also read up
on childhood inoculations,

211
00:08:47,753 --> 00:08:52,090
and it says there's some risk for babies,
but Boyd can get his shots now so...

212
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,392
But I'm not comfortable with that.

213
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:57,061
Even after you watched him suffer all week?

214
00:08:57,129 --> 00:08:58,889
I mean, that could have
totally been avoided.

215
00:08:58,931 --> 00:09:00,932
You're blaming me for his suffering?

216
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,600
No. Of course not. I'm
not pointing any fingers.

217
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,435
We're just trying to fix your mistake.

218
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,938
Well... It was not a mistake, okay?

219
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,540
You had skipped town when I
had to make these decisions.

220
00:09:09,608 --> 00:09:11,375
You don't get to second-guess me now.

221
00:09:11,443 --> 00:09:13,411
I'm gonna go pack up some
clothes for Boyd and go.

222
00:09:13,479 --> 00:09:15,399
All right, I'll come with
you. I want to see him.

223
00:09:15,414 --> 00:09:17,215
You know, I think you need
to give it a couple more days.

224
00:09:17,282 --> 00:09:18,616
It might be dangerous for you right now.

225
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,351
But you just said Boyd's not contagious.

226
00:09:20,419 --> 00:09:23,254
It's not Boyd you have to worry about.

227
00:09:31,027 --> 00:09:34,296
Hi, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man
with a message for those of you

228
00:09:34,363 --> 00:09:36,798
who are waging a war against vaccinations.

229
00:09:36,866 --> 00:09:38,466
You're gonna lose that war.

230
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,970
You see, vaccinations actually
won the revolutionary war.

231
00:09:42,038 --> 00:09:44,806
See, at that time, there was
a big outbreak of smallpox,

232
00:09:44,874 --> 00:09:49,644
not to be confused with the "great pox,"
which is what they called, uh, syphilis.

233
00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:56,217
That led to the popular 18th-century pickup
line, "come on, baby, it's only smallpox."

234
00:09:56,285 --> 00:09:59,888
Anyhoo, British soldiers had
a natural immunity to smallpox,

235
00:09:59,956 --> 00:10:02,223
so in an early version
of biological warfare,

236
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:04,559
they would intentionally spread
the disease to our colonists

237
00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:08,396
by sneezing in public or
borrowing our chapstick.

238
00:10:08,464 --> 00:10:09,731
But we had our own secret weapon...

239
00:10:09,799 --> 00:10:11,066
George Washington.

240
00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:14,469
He would inoculate the troops using
a technique called "variolation."

241
00:10:14,537 --> 00:10:18,306
If you're eating right now, I
suggest you put down that fork,

242
00:10:18,374 --> 00:10:21,710
because variolation is where you poke
one of your buddy's infected blisters

243
00:10:21,777 --> 00:10:24,546
and insert the goo under
your own healthy skin.

244
00:10:24,613 --> 00:10:30,385
This led to the popular 18th-century
expression, "this century is gross."

245
00:10:30,453 --> 00:10:31,686
But it worked.

246
00:10:31,754 --> 00:10:34,289
The smallpox rates
plummeted. We won the war.

247
00:10:34,357 --> 00:10:36,791
So, you see, if it wasn't for vaccinations,

248
00:10:36,859 --> 00:10:38,793
we would have lost the
war, we'd all be British,

249
00:10:38,861 --> 00:10:41,629
football would be soccer,
we'd be eating bangers, mash,

250
00:10:41,697 --> 00:10:43,498
and spotted dick would be a dessert.

251
00:10:47,403 --> 00:10:49,170
(Chuckling) Hey.

252
00:10:49,238 --> 00:10:52,007
Oh. Shh.

253
00:10:52,074 --> 00:10:54,843
Hey. How you doing? Want a snack?

254
00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:56,190
Yeah, thanks. I'm pretty hungry.

255
00:10:56,245 --> 00:10:57,846
It's mine.

256
00:10:57,913 --> 00:11:00,048
You know where we keep the peanut butter.

257
00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:01,883
(Chuckles) Here you go.

258
00:11:01,951 --> 00:11:03,551
Looks like you're feeling better, huh?

259
00:11:03,619 --> 00:11:05,053
I am.

260
00:11:05,121 --> 00:11:08,523
Mommy had a rough night, though.

261
00:11:08,591 --> 00:11:11,526
That's one of the problems
about being a parent.

262
00:11:11,594 --> 00:11:13,695
You made a wise choice
by not having any kids.

263
00:11:15,798 --> 00:11:17,399
So, what are we doing?

264
00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:20,335
Puzzle of America.

265
00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:21,536
Where does New York go?

266
00:11:21,604 --> 00:11:24,739
After 60, it goes to Florida.

267
00:11:24,807 --> 00:11:29,911
Very blue state. Very, very blue.

268
00:11:29,979 --> 00:11:33,548
Excuse me. What happened to Colorado?

269
00:11:33,616 --> 00:11:35,750
Muffin chewed it up.

270
00:11:35,818 --> 00:11:38,586
Well, America just wouldn't
be America without Colorado,

271
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:42,090
so you know what I can do is, I'll
go down and fire up my little saw,

272
00:11:42,158 --> 00:11:43,925
and I will make you another Colorado.

273
00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:45,193
You need any help?

274
00:11:45,261 --> 00:11:46,428
No, no, you stay right here.

275
00:11:46,495 --> 00:11:50,231
And whatever you do, do not put your
mom's hand in a bowl of warm water.

276
00:11:54,236 --> 00:11:56,171
Hey. Hi. How was school?

277
00:11:56,238 --> 00:11:59,674
Well, I schooled your boyfriend
last week at the shooting gallery.

278
00:11:59,742 --> 00:12:02,043
Wow. Couldn't even say hi first.

279
00:12:02,111 --> 00:12:04,546
Check it out... top of the leader board.

280
00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:06,881
(Chuckles) 150 likes.

281
00:12:06,949 --> 00:12:08,550
And one of them is Kyle.

282
00:12:08,617 --> 00:12:11,386
Mm-hmm. Yeah. 'Cause
he's a really nice guy.

283
00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:13,221
You know what they say about nice guys.

284
00:12:13,289 --> 00:12:15,290
They're losers.

285
00:12:15,357 --> 00:12:18,626
You know who says that? Mean guys like you.

286
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,628
Dad, Mandy just called me mean.

287
00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:22,230
Eve called Kyle a loser.

288
00:12:22,298 --> 00:12:24,018
Ooh. Sounds like you're
both onto something.

289
00:12:26,268 --> 00:12:30,572
But you got to excuse
me. The dog ate Colorado.

290
00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:33,575
So, what were we talking about?

291
00:12:33,642 --> 00:12:35,110
Oh, right.

292
00:12:35,177 --> 00:12:37,645
How badly I kicked Kyle's ass.

293
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:40,648
Okay. I have had enough. Okay, fyi...

294
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:43,751
Kyle let you win because
he felt sorry for you.

295
00:12:43,819 --> 00:12:45,753
- (Scoffs) Nice try.
- Oh, right!

296
00:12:45,821 --> 00:12:48,623
'Cause it's so not like Kyle to protect
the feelings of another person.

297
00:12:48,691 --> 00:12:51,159
He pitied you. He gave you pity victory.

298
00:12:51,227 --> 00:12:52,927
I want a rematch. Where is he?

299
00:12:52,995 --> 00:12:54,329
Mm. I don't know.

300
00:12:54,396 --> 00:12:56,716
Probably somewhere losing a
seeing contest to Helen Keller.

301
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,302
Or a hearing contest to Helen Keller.

302
00:13:01,370 --> 00:13:03,104
She was also deaf.

303
00:13:03,172 --> 00:13:05,473
And like you, she was also dumb.

304
00:13:05,541 --> 00:13:08,009
Dad! Eve's being mean to Helen Keller!

305
00:13:08,077 --> 00:13:10,178
Hey, Mike. You want to let me in?

306
00:13:10,246 --> 00:13:12,347
Got a sick kid in here. I can't let you in.

307
00:13:12,414 --> 00:13:14,516
Come back next summer.

308
00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:17,519
Mike, Kris already told me he's
not contagious anymore, so...

309
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:19,854
Well, if you two hippies
had given him a vaccination,

310
00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:22,042
we wouldn't be having this
conversation now, would we?

311
00:13:22,091 --> 00:13:23,491
Yes, I agree with you.

312
00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,360
Ooh.

313
00:13:25,427 --> 00:13:27,529
Please don't make me say it again.

314
00:13:27,596 --> 00:13:30,532
I'm still tasting it from the first time.

315
00:13:30,599 --> 00:13:32,967
Look, I think Boyd needs to get his shots.

316
00:13:33,035 --> 00:13:35,436
Well, where was your spine when we
were trying to talk Kristin into this?

317
00:13:35,504 --> 00:13:37,438
She is going to be my wife, okay?

318
00:13:37,506 --> 00:13:41,109
Uh-oh. Now I got that taste in my mouth.

319
00:13:41,177 --> 00:13:42,443
You and Vanessa were ganging up on her.

320
00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:43,745
I had to have her back.

321
00:13:43,812 --> 00:13:45,146
But now I think we
should try talking to her.

322
00:13:45,214 --> 00:13:48,216
The time to talk to her was
when she was facing a sick kid.

323
00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:52,820
Now we'll just have to wait till Boyd
gets another disease from the '50s.

324
00:13:52,888 --> 00:13:55,523
I don't want to risk that, okay?

325
00:13:55,591 --> 00:13:57,358
Well, as grandparents,
we've said our piece.

326
00:13:57,426 --> 00:14:00,628
Now the kid's health is in
the hands of his two mommies.

327
00:14:03,365 --> 00:14:04,933
(Saw whirring)

328
00:14:10,206 --> 00:14:13,274
Hey. Here, buddy. Grab a seat.

329
00:14:16,712 --> 00:14:20,148
Uh, I called earlier about getting
Boyd Baxter some inoculations.

330
00:14:20,216 --> 00:14:22,116
You said Dr. Fry could squeeze us in.

331
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,136
We do the inoculations in stages.

332
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,871
We'll start with the MMR and DTAP.

333
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,472
Just sign these release forms.

334
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,308
(Sighs)

335
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,311
Wow. That's a lot of possible side effects.

336
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,447
"Paralysis, brain damage, death"?

337
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,484
Death is a side effect?

338
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,357
- Grandpa!
- (Chuckling) Hey.

339
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:53,525
Hey, Mike.

340
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:55,112
(Door closes) What are you doing here?

341
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,461
I come here all the time.

342
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,296
This is where I get my copy of highlights.

343
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,099
There it is. Let's see
what Gallant's doing.

344
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,834
We know what goofus is up to.

345
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,037
Can I listen to my music?

346
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,305
Uh, yeah.

347
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:09,741
Just, um, don't sing
along to the rap, okay?

348
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:13,111
Some people are afraid of words.

349
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:16,081
So, this is your plan?
An end run around Kristin?

350
00:15:16,148 --> 00:15:18,550
Well, you said it's up to his
parents, Mike, and I'm his parent.

351
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,385
Well, this is a pretty big swing.

352
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,722
Didn't think you had the
beanbags for anything like this.

353
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:27,425
But the truth is, this is not gonna
be good for your relationship.

354
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,227
Well, I'm sure that'll make you happy.

355
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,397
Ordinarily, I'd say yes.

356
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:37,168
But the other day, when, uh, my wife
and I were ganging up on our daughter,

357
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:39,671
your first reaction, even
from outside the house,

358
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:42,507
was to protect her, to have her back.

359
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,475
I liked that.

360
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,846
Thank you.

361
00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:50,815
But don't you feel like right now,
you're stabbing her in the back?

362
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,283
(Sighs)

363
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:54,019
Mike, you agree with me that
he needs to get his shots.

364
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,520
Yeah, I agree, but I'm not marrying you.

365
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,489
Ohh. There's that taste again.

366
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,992
I'm right about this.

367
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,100
Yeah, I know that feeling.

368
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:04,095
It's about the only feeling I've ever had.

369
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,432
But in a relationship, you got
to work things out together.

370
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,268
You got to be able to say stuff
like, "let's find a compromise

371
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:13,104
between the right thing to
do and your way, Vanessa."

372
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,639
Dr. Fry is ready.

373
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,641
(Sighs)

374
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,276
Yeah, but go ahead with your big plan.

375
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,679
Maybe the next guy she goes out
with will be someone I like,

376
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:25,683
like a Navy seal that
makes his own beef jerky.

377
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,286
Sir. Sir, you can't take the highlights.

378
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,421
Oh, yeah.

379
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:32,757
What are you looking at?

380
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:41,199
Hey. You. Me. Rematch. Now.

381
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,233
I'm with a customer.

382
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:45,670
The men's room is to the left.

383
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:46,871
Okay. I'm free.

384
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,306
I demand a rematch.

385
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,075
Yeah, and this time, don't let her win.

386
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:52,410
(Sighs) I didn't let her win.

387
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,079
Kyle, she knows.

388
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:55,113
Yeah, come on. Chop-chop. Let's go.

389
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,915
I don't want your pity, okay?

390
00:16:56,982 --> 00:17:01,920
I'm not a charity case, and I don't
need your government cheese.

391
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:04,289
It wasn't charity, okay? You beat me.

392
00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:07,826
- She really did.
- No, she didn't.

393
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,330
She really beat you?

394
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,332
Ha! So I am the winner!

395
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,035
How do you like that free cheese?

396
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,704
I love cheese.

397
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,540
And I did not know you
could get it for free.

398
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:25,944
That would have come in handy
when I was living in the store.

399
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:28,279
Why did you lie to me?

400
00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:31,282
I guess I liked that you were proud of me,

401
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,084
and I didn't want you
thinking of me as a loser.

402
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:35,286
I've never thought of you as a loser.

403
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:37,989
How about when he was living in the store?

404
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,427
I-I got caught up in not
wanting you to think less of me.

405
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:46,531
Kyle... I couldn't
possibly think less of you.

406
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:52,937
You think that I love you because
you're good at some game?

407
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,773
I'm not shallow like that.

408
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,509
I love you because you're hot.

409
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:02,480
And because you're so good to me.

410
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:06,818
Honestly, I don't care if
you win or you lose, okay?

411
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,988
So long as Eve loses.

412
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:11,389
Just please make that happen.

413
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:14,559
Okay, hombre, we gonna do this or not?

414
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:15,894
Let's dance.

415
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,195
That's a good idea.

416
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,697
Dancing's an excellent
warm-up before shooting.

417
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:25,270
Now you think less of him?

418
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,604
Are you kidding me?

419
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,240
This guy is the "best dancer in the we."

420
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,578
(Chuckles)

421
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,452
I just woke up to an e-mail from Dr. Fry
about aftercare for vaccinations.

422
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:42,754
Where the hell is my son?

423
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:44,355
Honey, I just walked in. I...

424
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,823
So you had nothing to do with this?

425
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,711
I mean, obviously, somebody took Boyd
to get his shots against my will.

426
00:18:48,742 --> 00:18:49,819
Well, honey, it wasn't me.

427
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,462
And... and your dad is in the garage
making something out of wood.

428
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:56,134
Oh, God. I hope it's
not my Christmas present.

429
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:57,535
Mommy!

430
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:58,563
Hey, there you are! Hey.

431
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,138
Where have you been?

432
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:01,372
We went to the doctor, then had ice cream.

433
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,676
Hmm. Yeah, I can tell what flavor.

434
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:06,010
Why don't we go wash your face?

435
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,679
Honey, how come you have
ice cream in your hair?

436
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:09,614
That's from yesterday.

437
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:13,318
I cannot believe that you went
and did this behind my back.

438
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,452
It is not what you think, Kris.

439
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:15,787
What? Don't lie to me, okay?

440
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,155
I got an e-mail from Dr. Fry.

441
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:21,492
Okay, yes, I went to take Boyd to get his
shots, but then I realized it was wrong

442
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,280
to try to do an end
run like that on you...

443
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,763
Which, I guess, is a football term.

444
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,699
Your dad told me about it.

445
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:30,468
So my dad put you up to this?

446
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,704
He actually talked me out of it.

447
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,205
What?

448
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:39,877
Look, I was already having second thoughts
after reading all those side effects and...

449
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:43,681
I can't imagine what that must have been like
for you to make that decision on your own.

450
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,350
It was terrifying.

451
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:49,787
I was 17 years old and suddenly in
charge of this tiny human being.

452
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,823
I know.

453
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:54,492
But you are no longer alone, okay?

454
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,295
A-and from here on out, we get
to screw this kid up together.

455
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:02,233
First one's a practice one, anyway, right?

456
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:05,670
Oh, God, I hope so. (Chuckles)

457
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,672
Wait, no, I-if Boyd didn't get his shots,

458
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,540
then why did I get an
e-mail from the doctor?

459
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:13,544
Uh... Bam!

460
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:16,281
With chicken pox going around,
I figured it was probably time.

461
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,116
- Oh.
- Did it hurt?

462
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,450
Oh, my God. So much.

463
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:20,451
Yeah?

464
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:21,452
Ow!

465
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,854
(Giggles)

466
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,801
- But Dr. Fry said I was very brave.
- Oh, yeah?

467
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:28,793
He even gave me a lollipop.
Boyd was jealous, so...

468
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,895
You know, you could have given that to him.

469
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,498
Hey, who got the shot?

470
00:20:42,654 --> 00:20:44,254
- Hey, dad.
- Hey.

471
00:20:44,322 --> 00:20:45,422
Got a minute?

472
00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:49,093
Yep. I'm just, uh, fixing Colorado.

473
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,795
Wasn't the original piece blue?

474
00:20:51,863 --> 00:20:54,932
Like I said, I'm fixing Colorado.

475
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,934
We're about to take Boyd home.

476
00:20:57,002 --> 00:20:58,902
I just wanted to thank you
for letting us stay here.

477
00:20:58,970 --> 00:21:00,904
This is your home. What
am I supposed to say?

478
00:21:00,972 --> 00:21:02,906
"Why don't you stay at that
Ramada Inn near your house

479
00:21:02,974 --> 00:21:04,742
that's clean and reasonably priced"?

480
00:21:04,809 --> 00:21:05,909
(Chuckles)

481
00:21:05,977 --> 00:21:08,746
And thank you for the advice you gave Ryan.

482
00:21:08,813 --> 00:21:11,415
It mattered to you that he
not screw up our relationship.

483
00:21:11,483 --> 00:21:13,917
That guy's got a big mouth, Kris.

484
00:21:13,985 --> 00:21:15,285
It means a lot to me.

485
00:21:15,353 --> 00:21:17,621
Kris, I just want you happy, okay?

486
00:21:17,689 --> 00:21:18,622
Thanks.

487
00:21:21,226 --> 00:21:24,118
But if you happen to meet
a Navy seal that can

488
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:26,856
make his own beef jerky,
keep an open mind.